Yesterday, movers took my younger son’s furniture on its way to his new place.
I was really too busy with other work after the move to process it too much. Today, as I look at the empty room, thoughts are starting to come.
This, it seems, is another piece of the ending puzzle showing me the start of a new beginning. Seeing the physical reminder of the empty room brought the stark reality of true change in my life to the forefront.
I really am no longer the keeper of a busy household full of activity of family bustling here and there. I may have been holding on to the ideal of family still here with me and not moved on from that idea. I’ve had an empty nest for several years now and have been slowly adjusting to it. Now, just looking at the empty room, makes that knowledge sink in and stay in my psyche.
I’ve been studying change and transitions for a while now. Some of the ways I’ve done this is by reading books* and articles, writing about my experiences in a journal, creating and participating in women’s coaching circles and trying my best to put one foot in front of the other through it all.
Something seems to be starting to move in a different direction. I’ve been in a holding pattern, one some may call the “void”, for about -8- years now. I’ve thought about doing so many different things but now I’m actually ready to do some of them.
It doesn’t mean that fear hasn’t tried to seep in and reason with me to stay in my comfortable cocoon. I’m not taking the fear to heart. Instead I’m going to do what I’ve done in the past when fear tries to stop me….feel it….and move forward anyway.
These years in the holding pattern have taught me so much. One of the lessons that has come to me lately is that (loved ones) no longer need me in the way they did before. (Sometimes I think I need them now more than they need me.) A positive part of this lesson is that my focus can change.
I’m not thinking to take any drastic steps forward in the near future but my thinking has clearly shifted to reflect more of a focus on self. I will continue with self-care as I know how important that is to my overall well-being. The difference for me now will be to put me first, an action that needs practice and getting used to. Certainly I care about others and will be there for them always. Now I will practice waiting until someone asks me for help instead of offering the assistance before asked.
In order to embrace change in a way that will take in my current reality, the next focus will be on what it is that I want next.
*Two books I’ve found helpful during this transition and life change are:
TRANSITIONS, Making Sense of Life’s Changes, by William Bridges, PH.D.
When Life Changes or You Wish It Would by Carol Adrienne, PH.D.
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